38-year-old and pregnant girlfriend want to move into brother's 4-bedroom home for 6 months, tells the whole family he's moving in before brother agrees: 'I gave up my childhood for you. And you can’t even give us a few months of help?'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Dec 2, 2025 10:00 PM EST

Living with family isn't the easiest. They have a way of getting under your skin, unlike anyone else. They know what buttons to press, and they have no hesitation pressing them. This is why, when you eventually move out, you probably want to protect your space. You want to make sure that your home is your home, and not let anyone else come in and take it over. 

On the other very real hand, your family has made sacrifices for you. You probably want to give them something in return. It's not great karma to scorn the people who raised you as soon as you leave the house. Maybe you're eager to start your own life, but it's not a great look to turn your back on others so soon. But what if it came at a great cost to you? What if the imposition was too much to bear? Those are the questions that came up in this story, when a brother down on his luck tried to turn to his family for help, but ended up asking too much. 

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  • A group of people stand around a dining room in a man's house
    via Unsplash+ (Victoria Romulo)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • The bigger problem here was the way he went about it. He tried to make his brother feel guilty for considering the offer, so he applied a little external pressure to make it happen. This isn't a great way to get people to what you want, though. Read on to see what happened and what commenters had to say. 

  • Am I in the wrong for refusing to let my brother and his pregnant girlfriend move into my house?

    I (34M) bought my first home two years ago. It's a 4-bedroom place, nothing insane, but big enough that people love to joke about me "hoarding space." | worked ridiculous hours, lived cheap, and basically sacrificed my entire 20s to save for it. I'm proud of it.
    via u/TacoAndWonton
  • For background: my older brother "Joel" (38M) practically helped raise me. We grew up with a single mom who worked nights, and he filled in a lot... cooked, watched me after school, took beatings for me when I messed up. I've always respected him for that. Here's where things get messy.
    via u/TacoAndWonton
  • Joel and his girlfriend "Lena" (29F) are expecting a baby. They live in a one-bedroom apartment in a borderline unsafe area. Two months ago, their landlord raised rent by a big amount and said he won't renew their lease. They've been scrambling ever since. A few weeks ago, Joel asked if they could stay with me "temporarily". (maybe 6 months, maybe a year). He framed it as a "family stepping up for family" situation.
    via u/TacoAndWonton
  • I hesitated. I like my space. I like my routine. I like coming home to peace. I also just started dating someone seriously and we've been talking about her eventually moving in. And honestly... Joel and Lena are kind of chaotic people. Loud, messy, emotional arguments at 2am, the kind who leave dishes near the sink and say "I'll get it later" and then don't. They also smoke weed constantly, which I don't judge except I don't want the smell in my house.
    via u/TacoAndWonton
  • Still, I didn't outright say no. I told him I'd need time to think. He didn't like that. He said, "I helped raise you. I gave up my childhood for you. And you can't even give us a few months of help?" That guilt hit me hard. My girlfriend thinks that crossing the "family obligation" line like that is manipulative, but part of me feels like maybe he's right.
    via u/TacoAndWonton
  • Then last week something happened that made everything worse: without waiting for my answer, Joel told the entire family group chat that they'd be moving in with me. Not "maybe." Not "if he says yes." Just: "We're moving into OP's house while we get stable."
    via u/TacoAndWonton
  • People immediately congratulated him for "finally catching a break" and praised me for "being such a generous brother." I was blindsided. I called him privately and asked why he told everyone that. He said: "Because you were dragging your feet and I needed certainty for my kid."
    via u/TacoAndWonton
  • I told him I wasn't comfortable hosting them. That I wasn't saying never - just not under these expectations, not the way he forced it. I said if he had waited and respected the process, maybe we could've figured out boundaries. But now I feel cornered and disrespected. He blew up. Said I was "choosing my quiet house over his unborn child." Said he "should've let me rot" when we were kids. Said he "always knew" I'd end up selfish.
    via u/TacoAndWonton
  • Our mom is furious at ME for "abandoning him when he needs me most." Lena posted a story on Instagram about "finding out who your real family is." Even my aunt messaged me saying, "You have FOUR BEDROOMS." The truth? I do have the space. But I also know if they move in, they might never leave. And I'm scared of losing my home, my relationship, and my sanity.
    via u/TacoAndWonton
  • Still... I keep thinking: Did I become the exact kind of person who forgets where he came from? My girlfriend says Joel is weaponizing the past and I'm allowed to protect my space. My family says this is the one time I owe him.
    via u/TacoAndWonton
  • So AITA for refusing to let my brother, who practically raised me, move in with his pregnant girlfriend... even though I technically have the space?
    via u/TacoAndWonton
  • A group of people sit around a table eating dinner.
    via Unsplash+ (Adolfo Félix)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Commenters had a lot to say about what was going on here.

    Duckr74 26m ago . The LAST thing you need is them claiming to be squatters. Updateme!
    via u/Duckr74
  • Useful-Noise-4... . 25m ago NTA. The way he went and told everyone you would before you actually agreed was manipulative, and if he is treating you like this now, imagine how it would be once they live in your house. Eventually it will end up feeling like their house - and like you said, they might never leave.
    via u/Useful-Noise-4321
  • You worked hard for what you have and just because a relative has nice things, it doesn't automatically give family rights to it. There are others ways to help. Start by helping look. for a place they can afford.
    via u/Useful-Noise-4321
  • AvocadoJazzlik... • 24m ago NTA your gf is right he's weaponizing your past and manipulating you now. He won't respect your space and he won't find a place he will mooch and destroy your peace. Anyone that has something to say can take them in.
    via u/AvocadoJazzlike3670
  • • Forsaken-Routi... • 23m ago NTA... I would have looked for ways to help and compromise up till the point where he bullied you to gain entrance to your home.
    via u/Forsaken-Routine-466
  • The answer has to be NO. He showed you that he would not respect you or your space. Your brother will use any tool at his disposal to manipulate and bully you into giving up what is yours. Now you need to protect yourself and your home.
    via u/Forsaken-Routine-466
  • It is not impossible for your brother to gain entrance to your home and claim residence. Do not allow him to use your address for mail. This is proof of residence. GET CAMERAS AND LOCK YOUR HOME. Do not allow anyone to have your spare keys. Have a record of refusal. Text & email him clearly stating NO. These will have time stamps.
    via u/Forsaken-Routine-466
  • Grouchywhennh... • 24m ago NTA They're going to come in, smoke weed, make a mess and add a huge amount of chaos to your peace. He knew you were uncertain and manipulated you into doing it his way. You will be outvoted and manipulated
    via u/Grouchywhennhungry
  • into feeding them,cleaning up after them, allowing them tk smoke in your home, baby sitting and this is not a short term fix - you're their new family home. If you can afford it can you offer to help them with a deposit for a new place?? If they spent less on weed
    via u/Grouchywhennhungry
  • then they could cover a better neighbourhood. (Yes I will judge anyone who smokes weed when pregnant or anyone who spends their money on drugs then expects family to fund the shortfall in living costs)
    via u/Grouchywhennhungry
  • TheManOfSpace... • 13m ago NtA, I would tell all the relatives he found a place on his own, amd doesnt need you any longer. If he can just make stuff up, then so can you. Or call and ask the rest of the family why they AREN'T stepping up for family themselves.
    via u/TheManOfSpaceandTime
  • Odd-Outcome450 19m ago . Don't budge, or come up with a lease and make it legal and not a free ride. With a fixed end date and severe penalties if they go over
    via u/Odd-Outcome450
  • jrm1102 26m ago . NTA - but naive Your brother deciding this for you was absolutely not okay. This was and should have always been his choice. You can say yes or not. With that said, sometimes
    via u/jrm1102
  • family does help family. Its kind wild that you said your brother helped raised you and took physical abuse for you and youre like "hmm maybe hes manipulating me by asking for help" Stop listening to everyone. else and figure out what YOU want to do and accept that this is the choice youre making.
    via u/jrm1102

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